Virginia decided to go to my checkup with me one morning, and managed to trip and fall down the stair in the garage. The stair. Not “the stairs”, like normal people. Now, we had me and the limping partner.
So, when we got to the doctor, we just said, “Yes, it’s my appointment, but she needs it worse.”
That’s how you avoid the emergency room or doc-in-the-box. Only hurt yourself on the way to someone else’s appointment.
Virginia had a huge cast on her leg after her Achilles surgery. It was to keep everything in place for the early stages of healing, before moving on to the boot.
There’s really only one rule with a cast: Don’t stick anything in it. I’ve never actually worn a cast (just a bandage when I had knee surgery – update 2020: now I have), because I’m not a SuperKlutz, but I’ve heard they can be itchy.
Here’s the one rule again. Don’t stick anything in it.
Some people ignore this and scratch the itch. This can crumple the bandages under the cast which is bad, apparently.
Virginia would be some people.
I found her happily sticking a pencil in her cast to scratch away.
Really. There was just one rule.
So, we went back to the doctor and his PA took the whole thing off and redid it. He gave me the stink eye the whole time. Hey, buddy, you try to make her follow rules.
Virginia was happy because she got a new color cast. She didn’t like the first color she chose.
Shoulder surgery is a big deal. You’re in a brace, you can’t use it for weeks, it needs physical therapy when the healing is done.
There’s really only three words at the beginning of recovery: Don’t Use It.
So, this is partially my fault, because I picked an inconvenient time to have a Vertigo attack that a couple of doctors thought might be a stroke. When they let me out of the hospital after keeping me overnight, the therapist mentioned to Virginia that she should not be driving in a brace as it’s a liability issue.
So, she took the brace off.
I needed some medication, so she decided to go pick it up. Since she was out, she decided to pick up a few things at the store.
This with her recently repaired arm out of the sling.
Her physical therapist was amazed by the change in motion when I took her for therapy. No, not amazed. Horrified.
The doctor said she hadn’t actually reinjured it, but to knock it off.
So, our power went out, because it’s Dallas, and we lost all of the food in our deep freeze. Lots of slowly defrosting foods.
Virginia decided to let everything refreeze and toss it closer to trash pickup day, which made sense, because it’s hot in Texas and we have rats, raccoons and Lord knows what else around the neighborhood.
The day before trash pickup, she started loading up the trash bags. I told her to wait until I got home from work, and I would do it. Being a normal person, I was going to roll the trash can up to the freezer and load it up.
She couldn’t wait.
So, she ruptured her bicep tendon and a bunch of other stuff in her shoulder.
Later, she finally had surgery to repair it, and managed to strain her other shoulder during the healing period.
Then, she strained her back trying to survive with two partial arms.
Virginia was walking one of the dogs one night when she heard a buzzing and then was stung by a wasp. (Well, our pest control guy saw a selfie of the wound and thought it was a paper wasp. Hmm. How many guys have their clients sending them closeups of bug bites on their chests?)
Then, she got stung again. Wasps are not nocturnal so I’m really wondering what she’s doing to piss them off.
So, then she walks the dog in the middle of the night for a third time, and heard the buzzing again, so she jumped aside. This was the same jump she used to not step on Ripley, just different ankle. Another strained tendon, another boot.
The suspect was probably a June bug. They don’t bite.
Ripley, one of our dogs, had back problems. He could have been partially paralyzed, so serious back problems. After his vet had put the kids through college repairing Ripley!s back, she told us about a permanent fix. So, after two operations, there was an operation that would have prevented the two operations.
Of course, the surgery was available in Oklahoma, at the OSU veterinary school.
So, Virginia and I packed Ripley up, and drove to Stillwater. Lovely Stillwater.
The night before Ripley went under the knife, we had to take him for a pre-surgery check. Virginia was walking him on a leash, and he stopped short. Now, normal people wouldn’t be walking right next to a dog. Normal people would probably trip over the dog and cuss. Virginia didn’t want to hurt Ripley’s back, so she jumped aside, and ruptured her Achilles.
I tried to get the vet to put her down but he wouldn’t listen.
Ripley survived surgery. Virginia had surgery years later.
She still can’t jump.
So, my mom-in-law refused to fly, so if she came down from New Jersey to visit, it meant we had gone up to get her.
We would split the driving, usually.
Of course, one trip, someone decided to load some extra stuff in the car. As she wandered out of the house with a blanket and some pillows, she missed the edge of the step. (“Down goes Frazier!”)
Now, it’s officially a “road trip”.
Off to the ER we go. It’s just a sprain. Whew. She didn’t have to do too much paperwork because they found her in their records. Sad.
I did all the driving, while someone sat in the back with her feet up.
We went to San Francisco a few years back – I had a conference, she wanted to see the City by the Bay.
In the middle of the night, she went to the bathroom and managed to kick the chair that I had left three millimeters out from the desk.
When we got home, we went to have it checked, since she was convinced something was broken.
While they were doing the X-ray, she asked if they could do the other foot, since she had injured it before we left for the West Coast.