Tag Archives: Oops

A Plank in the Finger

Someone decided to rehang a mirror in the dining room, even though it had been on the floor hurting nobody for years. While moving it in place, someone got a splinter.

I used to get splinters when I was young. My pediatrician thought it was cute – it’s a rite of passage. He would remove it, tape it to a tongue depressor and date it. There’s a pile of them (along with some stitches) somewhere.

Splinters don’t usually happen after you get into double-digit ages unless you’re a carpenter or .. a SuperKlutz.

So, SuperKlutz tried to get it out with a tweezer. No luck. She searched the Internet and determined soaking the finger in vinegar would remove it. Who thinks this will work? She tied a banana skin around it with a bandage. (What sites is she reading?)

Finally, she went to the doctor. After about nine minutes of surgery and two tweezers, the splinter was removed. It would have taken less time if the nurse practitioner hadn’t been suppressing giggles the whole time.

She does not have it on a tongue depressor.

I’ve fallen, but I’m lighter than a washer

A few years ago, one of our idiot dogs (all of dogs are idiot dogs) peed on the floor. As I walked down a darkened hallway, I felt my foot going out from under me. I slid, cursed, avoided doing the splits, and managed to land on my knees, with most of the weight on the non-surgically reconstructed one. I was in pee, but I was fine.

Why is that important? It shows I’m not a SuperKlutz.

Here’s what happened today.

We had a new washer delivered, and paid extra to have the old one shipped away. While the crew was wrangling the old one out of the utility room, they spilled some of the residual water out.

Now, these guys deliver washers all day long, so they’re probably used to having a bit of water on the floor. Given time, they would have cleaned it up – in fact, they asked for a towel. A towel? Heaven forbid!

SuperKlutz to the rescue! She tried to vacuum up wet dog hair with a hand vac, and then realized there was more water than she thought. She got the mop, walked the 37 inches to the beginning of the puddle, and … slipped and fell on her knee. She tried to break her fall (and failed) with the hand that had been operated on … yesterday.

So, now she has a bandaged hand (with stitches), two shoulders being rehabbed, and a knee with a gouge in it.

How can I slip on an unknown puddle of pee in the middle of the night, and she can’t walk past a known spill that she is attempting to clean? She is a SuperKlutz.

Next time, give the nice man a towel and get out of the way.

The guys delivering the washer helped her get back on her feet. Actually, they just picked her up. They even counted down, like when they picked up the washer.

I suppose I should have tipped them, but how? It didn’t take long for them to raise her. Is there a one-time fee? Tip by the pound?

She has to see her shoulder surgeon on Friday. Luckily, he does knees, as well.

Surgery Questions

Most people have some important questions when a doctor recommends surgery. Questions like:

  • Is is covered by my insurance?
  • How long is the recovery period?
  • Will it hurt?
  • Will I still be able to play the piano?

Luckily, when you’re a SuperKlutz, there is only one question:

  • Will it interfere with the physical therapy from my last surgery?

Can I Borrow Your Appointment?

Virginia decided to go to my checkup with me one morning, and managed to trip and fall down the stair in the garage. The stair. Not “the stairs”, like normal people. Now, we had me and the limping partner.

So, when we got to the doctor, we just said, “Yes, it’s my appointment, but she needs it worse.”

That’s how you avoid the emergency room or doc-in-the-box. Only hurt yourself on the way to someone else’s appointment.

Flashback

So, I’ve heard a lot of stories about my childhood from my Mom lately. I’ve been thinking about growing up and a lot of the activities of a young man. I even redid the Stagecoach 7 website yesterday evening.

But, I never thought I would flash back to the early 60’s this afternoon.

I did. I took a nap.

It’s been said that you become a grownup the day you start wondering why you didn’t want to take naps when you were younger. Sometimes, it’s just circumstance.

Last night, Murphy the Cocker Spaniel threw up. Four times. So, off to the vet. Luckily, Hillside Veterinary Clinic is open 24×7, and it’s just down the street, so we didn’t have to contend with the emergency clinic. There were a surprising number of people there for 10:30 PM on a Monday evening, but Murphy was whisked off to the back for tests, we talked to the vet, got him some meds, and were back home by just after midnight.

Midnight.

Well, at least I’m working at home today, so I don’t have to contend with traffic.

Did I mention I had a six-hour web conference call that started at 7:30 AM this morning?

So, I was going to double up on the coffee, and hope for the best. Maybe this would be an interesting meeting. You know, the exception to prove the rule.

Finally got to sleep about a quarter to one, because it takes extra time to fall asleep when you’re counting the minutes you have to actually sleep. So, I should have had a good six hours of sleep. Who needs more than that? No problems.

Four AM, the phone rings. I manage to answer it, and hear “This is ADT Security. We have an alarm.” Well, my house was quiet, so it was the Spousal Unit’s problem. We had an alarm going off in one of her late Aunt’s houses in Florida.

This is one of the stupid parts about naming an executor more than one State away – how are you going to get there if there’s a crisis?

Who could possibly be trying to get into a dead woman’s house? Oh, of course. The inheritor aka the new owner. Oops.

The Spousal Unit had given her cousin the code to the alarm. It just wasn’t the code to that alarm. Oops.

So, after finally getting him on the phone (via Facebook message) and talking politely to the police officer who had arrived, everything was back to normal.

At 5:20 AM.

So, not a lot of sleep.

It actually was a good conference call – a very good discussion. I managed to stay awake the whole time, and I only had three cups of coffee.

After the call ended, I crashed for an hour. Well, an hour and a half. The stuffed animals of my childhood were replaced by live dogs trying to push me out of the way, but it was still a nap. A glorious nap.

So, I’ll work late tonight to cover the missed time. At least, I’ll stay online until everyone on my team leaves.

We should all take naps.