Tag Archives: Oops

A Plank in the Finger

Someone decided to rehang a mirror in the dining room, even though it had been on the floor hurting nobody for years. While moving it in place, someone got a splinter.

I used to get splinters when I was young. My pediatrician thought it was cute – it’s a rite of passage. He would remove it, tape it to a tongue depressor and date it. There’s a pile of them (along with some stitches) somewhere.

Splinters don’t usually happen after you get into double-digit ages unless you’re a carpenter or .. a SuperKlutz.

So, SuperKlutz tried to get it out with a tweezer. No luck. She searched the Internet and determined soaking the finger in vinegar would remove it. Who thinks this will work? She tied a banana skin around it with a bandage. (What sites is she reading?)

Finally, she went to the doctor. After about nine minutes of surgery and two tweezers, the splinter was removed. It would have taken less time if the nurse practitioner hadn’t been suppressing giggles the whole time.

She does not have it on a tongue depressor.

I’ve fallen, but I’m lighter than a washer

A few years ago, one of our idiot dogs (all of dogs are idiot dogs) peed on the floor. As I walked down a darkened hallway, I felt my foot going out from under me. I slid, cursed, avoided doing the splits, and managed to land on my knees, with most of the weight on the non-surgically reconstructed one. I was in pee, but I was fine.

Why is that important? It shows I’m not a SuperKlutz.

Here’s what happened today.

We had a new washer delivered, and paid extra to have the old one shipped away. While the crew was wrangling the old one out of the utility room, they spilled some of the residual water out.

Now, these guys deliver washers all day long, so they’re probably used to having a bit of water on the floor. Given time, they would have cleaned it up – in fact, they asked for a towel. A towel? Heaven forbid!

SuperKlutz to the rescue! She tried to vacuum up wet dog hair with a hand vac, and then realized there was more water than she thought. She got the mop, walked the 37 inches to the beginning of the puddle, and … slipped and fell on her knee. She tried to break her fall (and failed) with the hand that had been operated on … yesterday.

So, now she has a bandaged hand (with stitches), two shoulders being rehabbed, and a knee with a gouge in it.

How can I slip on an unknown puddle of pee in the middle of the night, and she can’t walk past a known spill that she is attempting to clean? She is a SuperKlutz.

Next time, give the nice man a towel and get out of the way.

The guys delivering the washer helped her get back on her feet. Actually, they just picked her up. They even counted down, like when they picked up the washer.

I suppose I should have tipped them, but how? It didn’t take long for them to raise her. Is there a one-time fee? Tip by the pound?

She has to see her shoulder surgeon on Friday. Luckily, he does knees, as well.

Surgery Questions

Most people have some important questions when a doctor recommends surgery. Questions like:

  • Is is covered by my insurance?
  • How long is the recovery period?
  • Will it hurt?
  • Will I still be able to play the piano?

Luckily, when you’re a SuperKlutz, there is only one question:

  • Will it interfere with the physical therapy from my last surgery?

Can I Borrow Your Appointment?

Virginia decided to go to my checkup with me one morning, and managed to trip and fall down the stair in the garage. The stair. Not “the stairs”, like normal people. Now, we had me and the limping partner.

So, when we got to the doctor, we just said, “Yes, it’s my appointment, but she needs it worse.”

That’s how you avoid the emergency room or doc-in-the-box. Only hurt yourself on the way to someone else’s appointment.